Late Night Thoughts

Nights like this I just want it to past faster.

I feel like I have been a follower for all my life. Giving in to what everyone says. Letting everyone influence my thoughts. And what I really think about something just disappears. Allowing everyone to pour their expectations on me.

Thinking about all these just makes hate school so badly. When was the last time i hate school so badly.

I want some real fun so badly with the people that I love. I need a get away! I need the long holidays to come faster. The last thing I need now is another day of school.

I just sound so typical. A teen that hates school. No point saying anything further.

Twitter is just so... OPEN! Don't see any point in tweeting anything personal. Don't see any point in tweeting anything personal! There's no need to let others see what I am actually thinking. Because they just probably won't understand!. So caught up in their individual life. All everyone have is objections. Don't see any point in this.

I'm just so negative right now.

Everyone is just giving faces! All emotionless. THEY ARE FKING FAKE! Can't you just say what you want to say?? This is really annoying.... The silence. The awkwardness. There will be one day that I'm just going to blow. And it can be really soon! JUST TELL ME WHERE THE FK I WENT WRONG! WHERE THE FK HAVE I ANGERED ALL OF YOU? IS IT MY FAULT?

Wrong step? Wrong love?

Since when do I have so little to say about myself. Since when did I decide to stop sharing and stop everyone from knowing what I'm up to?

Starting to become so distant from everyone everything. I feel like I'm looking touch with everything. Does love do this to you? Does it distant you from everything that you once have? Cause if it does... I doubt the power of love. How it's thought to be so magical.

I'm so deprived of some serious craziness and some fun like my life .haven't felt much from the start of 2013. Give some craziness that will send me away from this insane place. Let m laugh so hard that I forget about all expectations. All stares all judgements that is pouring in my directions.

So.. right... I'm in love. But... there's something that I want so much more. I feel confined. Especially when I'm distant with everything and everyone.

Drop me in a field full of green grass full of fresh air and just let me lie there. I need sometime alone. I need to think.
I have no idea what others are thinking. Am I the one in the wrong. Causing all this? Am I the one at fault for falling in love? Or is this all about wrong timing and wrong place.

Loosing touch with so many things let me doubt I I should love. Even though I love you so much that I can't bear to leave every single time the day comes to an end.

Everyone says you will be happy when I'm happy. But is it true happiness that you're talking about or are they just cynical? Just on the exterior?

Am I different in any way? Am I in the wrong love? That everyone disapproves of? Would it be different if we had met outside of this jail like school?

I just don't like this.

As usual a post full of typos.

Whatever it takes to make others people happy.

I have no idea how to put my thoughts into words but, I am holding back so much right now. Sometimes, I really want to run towards you and hug you as tied as I can and never let you go. That's that. And I really miss you. Absence really does make the heart grows fonder. Its like we are so close yet so far. I just miss you.

As usual, I'm just a substitute.

MUGS

Just a short post for my muggers: 
Even though we did prepare ourselves of what is coming our way this year, we are still unable to let go yet.
Trying to cope with duties but at the same time trying to keep this special ties of ours going. Its really tough. Most of the time, I start to wonder why didnt I try to persuade you guys to try harder. Or maybe you guys just need a year more.
Even though I'm trying to cope with my past year's work, I dont regret the year spent with you guys. Its just so great having you all around.
I just hope that after this tough year, we will come back to where we were. I feel like I truly belong there with you guys. Like my little family in SR.

Can't really express how much I treasure you guys. You are definitely the bunch of friends that are worth fighting for.

Please let this be a good year for the MUGS. Let everything run pass smoothly. Even though we just have the little time for each other weekly, I treasure all the time we will have this year. Thinking about you guys really makes me want to work hard and get over this year as soon as possible. You guys are the reason for my fight this year!

What will it take for me to get serious

I seriously don't give a shit  anymore. I am just trying so hard to get myself to be serious!!  And I just cant!!!! Don't understand what am I so afraid of. Fml to say the truth, I am already scared enough about the a's like how it determine my life and all that shit. I just feel like ending my life .I can't this shit like for real at first was the o's and is the a's. Why do we have to go through so many stages to determine our future! Can't it be just 1?

I just feel like I am missing out so many things. I feel so empty so.... nothing. I guess there's nothing worthwhile out of this. There is just no motivation for me. Feeling so annoyed at everything right now .I just need a break from everything. I need to catch up. I need to do a lot of things that I haven't do!!

Crying to myself because of self pitiness. Sometimes I feel like I am nothing but pathetic. And nothing. Nothing worthwhile.

The feeling of missing people just sucks... 

Too much of being too involved and close...